The Pain of Infertility - Auspice Maria Ep 21
Follow the Maine Catholic Podcast on:
Transcript:
So, welcome to the Auspice Maria podcast. I'm Bishop James Rugiri of the Diocese of Portland in Maine. And this week, our topic is the pain of infertility.
As always, I just want to start with a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten our minds and hearts. Holy Spirit, come, fill us with your wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and also, Lord, give us hearts of compassion, empathy, and love for your people. And we ask all this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
I'd like to begin with a scripture passage, if I may. It's from Romans 8, verses 38 to 39:
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)
This very moving passage, for me for some years, has always held some significant meaning — that the love of God through Jesus Christ for each and every one of us is unconditional, and as the passage reminds us, we cannot be separated from it.
So, holding that in my heart, speaking today to you, I want to turn to this very tender and often painful subject: the pain of infertility.
Many couples, united in the sacrament of marriage, hope and pray to share in God's creative love by welcoming a child into their family. But for some, that hope remains unfulfilled.
However, before we speak about that suffering, I want to begin where all Christian reflection on this topic, I believe, ought to start — or ought to have its origin — with the beauty and the meaning of marital love itself.
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops teaches in its pastoral instruction Married Love and the Gift of Life, and I quote from page one of that instruction:
“The spouses seal their love and commitment through their sexual union. Many today find it difficult to understand how profound and meaningful this union is, how it embodies the promises of marriage.” (p. 1)
These two sentences really are beautiful, and there is a phrase that really jumps out for me. It's when the bishops write: “The sexual union of the spouses embodies the promises of marriage.”
In the marital embrace, husband and wife make visible what they promised at the altar — to love freely, faithfully, and fruitfully.
Just before exchanging vows, if we were to now go to the rite of marriage, the priest or the deacon who is officiating asks three questions that are drawn directly from the rite of marriage.
The first: “Have you come here to enter into marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?”
The second: “Are you prepared, as you follow the path of marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?”
And the third question: “Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”
Now, obviously, with these three questions, as priests or deacons officiating, we're looking for affirmative responses. In officiating at various marriages across the years of my priesthood, I've never had someone say no — and that’s really been a good thing — to these questions.
In the rite of marriage, which was modified in 2016, the questions have been reworded a little bit, but basically they are asking for the same thing: an affirmative for freely entering the marriage, the idea that the couple understands marriage is a lifelong commitment, and an openness to children — and, of course, bringing those children up in the Church.
Now, these three questions — they're not a mere formality. They express the very heart of Christian marriage: again, freedom, fidelity, and fruitfulness.
The Church teaches that these promises are embodied in the sexual union of the spouses — the sexual union of the spouses unimpeded by contraception. In this intimate act of love, husband and wife literally become one, giving themselves totally and opening their shared life to the creative power of God.
This is not only natural, but also sacramental. In their bodily union, their love and the love of God become tangible, visible, and fruitful. The marital embrace is truly a heavenly reality.
And yet, for some couples, this gift of life does not come easily. Infertility can be a source of deep anguish — a grief that reaches to the core of a couple's vocation. They may feel that their hope to share in God's creative love has been somehow unfairly denied to them.
Now, to those listening who have experienced this pain, and to those who have suffered the sorrow of miscarriage, I humbly want you to know: your tears are seen, your love is not in vain, and your marriage remains profoundly fruitful in God's eyes.
Your love offered in faith participates in the mystery of the cross — a love that bears fruit in patience, in generosity, in spiritual motherhood and fatherhood that may take unexpected forms. The Church walks with you in that pain, not to explain it away — it really can't — but to accompany you in hope.
In the document Dignitas Personae from the year 2008, issued by what was then called the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (today it’s called the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith), Dignitas Personae reminded us that another CDF document, Donum Vitae, issued roughly 20 years earlier in 1987, remains fully valid — but needs to be developed because technology in 2008 had advanced rapidly from 1987.
And obviously, in 2025, technology is rapidly advancing. But these two documents are really foundational for helping us understand this whole reality of what is morally permissible when a couple experiences the cross of infertility.
I'd like to share some key passages. From section four, The document Dignitas Personae reaffirms what Donum Vitae stated, and I quote:
“It is appropriate to recall the fundamental ethical criterion expressed in the instruction Donum Vitae in order to evaluate all moral questions which relate to procedures involving the human embryo.”
And it quotes the document Donum Vitae:
“Thus, the fruit of human generation, from the first moment of its existence — that is to say, from the moment the zygote has formed," (when the sperm and egg have united, the zygote, that's my own commentary, back to the text,) "from the moment the zygote has formed, — demands the unconditional respect that is morally due to the human being in his bodily and spiritual totality. The human being is to be respected and treated as a person from the moment of conception, and therefore, from that same moment, his rights as a person must be recognized, among which, in the first place, is the inviolable right of every innocent human being to life.”
Again, that's from section four of Dignitas Personae, quoting Donum Vitae, part one, section one.
Now, again, Dignitas Personae specifies in section 12, three fundamental goods that must be respected when treating infertility.
Having already established early in the document the dignity of the person from the moment of conception, now the document turns to three fundamental goods that must be respected when treating infertility.
The first, the right to life and physical integrity of every human being from conception to natural death.
The second, the unity of marriage, which means reciprocal respect for the right within marriage to become a father or mother only together with the other spouse.
And the third, the specifically human values of sexuality which require that the procreation of a human person be brought about as the fruit of the conjugal act specific to the love between the spouses.
Now again, this all may sound very confusing, but stay with me, please, as I continue to unfold this — because there will be a summary when I get into ending this section about how to understand what is morally permissible when couples are dealing with infertility.
But also I need to state, and the document Dignitas Personae states this in section 12 that the Church recognizes that medical science is a blessing and that techniques which assist procreation are not to be rejected on the grounds that they are artificial. But — and this is very important, this is crucial — they must be given a moral evaluation in reference to the dignity of the human person.
Adding to this, paragraph 16 of the document states:
“The Church recognizes the legitimacy of the desire for a child and understands the suffering of couples struggling with the problems of infertility. Such a desire, however, should not override the dignity of every human life. The desire for a child cannot justify the production of offspring.”
So let me be more specific now, hoping to apply some of these principles to two specific things: in vitro fertilization and surrogacy, or surrogate motherhood.
So with these principles in mind, respecting the dignity of the person, also the principle that a child is to be brought to existence within the conjugal act specific to the spouses, the spouses, the husband, and the wife.
Turning now with those principles in mind, respecting the dignity of child from the moment of conception, we can understand why procedures such as in vitro fertilization and surrogate motherhood are not morally acceptable.
Surrogacy introduces a third person into what is meant to be the exclusive communion of husband and wife. It fragments motherhood into biological, gestational, and intentional roles, and reduces the child to an object of contract rather than a person of gift.
Surrogate motherhood is when another woman carries the baby conceived through the sperm and the egg of the parents — or maybe sperm and egg of other donors — but the woman carrying the child is not the biological mother, nor will she be the mother of the child after birth.
And again, this is not so uncommon today, but the Church would say that is not a moral option. Again, it fragments motherhood, introducing almost another mother into the equation of the family, and thus creates great problems and potential problems.
In vitro fertilization, meanwhile, removes conception from the marital act. It often involves creating multiple embryos, some of which are discarded, frozen, or used for experimentation.
Now again, remembering that the human embryo — the sperm and the egg united, the egg fertilized by the sperm — are human beings. They're tiny persons. And every person, tiny or big, is created in God's image.
Yet these embryos, because often many have to be created, are either frozen or abandoned or destroyed, because only one or maybe two are implanted in the womb of the woman who desires to conceive. So in this case, in in vitro fertilization, conception happens outside of the marital act — in a Petri dish or in some other laboratory setting — and then the embryo is implanted, and the hope is that that embryo will grow in the mother's womb.
Even when IVF succeeds in bringing about a live birth, the method itself remains disordered because it separates procreation from the loving act of spouses. And tragically, the process opens the door to further violations of human dignity, such as embryo reduction, meaning discarding unneeded embryos, or embryo selection, where, perhaps through genetic engineering, you pick the most desirable human embryo to implant.
Sometimes that even leads to genetic engineering when you're using sperm and perhaps eggs donated from other people — but you seek the genetic traits that seem most desirable for your future child. And that’s very dangerous, because it really does bespeak of the misguided logic of eugenics.
So, with all this said, the Church is not silent, though, in the face of suffering. There is some hope. I think it's very important to offer hope to our couples who are infertile. The Church simply doesn't say no, but she offers a better way — one that unites science and faith.
I'd like to introduce here the reality of NaPro Technology, which is short for Natural Procreative Technology. This was developed by Dr. Thomas Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, Nebraska.
It is a medical system rooted in the moral teaching of Humanae Vitae, which was a letter issued by St. Pope Paul VI in 1968 — a groundbreaking document, because the Pope in that encyclical reaffirmed the Church's teaching against artificial contraception, showing how it is inconsistent with the whole reality of the marital state, marital life, and the marital act.
So, this NaPro Technology helps diagnose and treat the underlying causes of infertility — that’s important. It doesn't work around that, it tries to diagnose and treat the underlying causes of infertility. Whereas surrogate parenthood sort of seeks an option, a third option outside of the couple. A woman who is willing to offer her womb for those nine months of gestation for the child that the couple, unfortunately infertile, hopes to conceive.
In vitro fertilization seeks to again, produce many zygotes, many little humans, hoping that one or two can be used to be implanted and will actually grow inside the mother's womb. But all that works really around the problem, whereas natural technology works with a woman's natural fertility, not against it.
It studies her natural biomarkers such as her menstrual cycle, hormones, and reproductive signs to identify conditions like endometriosis, hormonal imbalances, or even blocked fallopian tubes.
In other words, NaPro Technology restores what is disordered; it heals rather than replaces. It respects the unity of marriage — not going outside of the conjugal act — the dignity of the couple — not introducing a third person into this reality — and the sanctity of life, respecting every life from the moment of conception.
Then with NaPro technology, the aim is to treat those causes medically, ethically, and compassionately. In other words, NaPro technology restores what is disordered. It heals rather than replaces. It respects the unity of marriage, not going outside of the conjugal act, the dignity of the couple, not introducing a third person into this reality, and the sanctity of life, respecting, again, every life from the moment of conception.
Every child conceived through NaPro Technology comes into the world through the loving embrace of husband and wife, just as God designed.
So here’s a little summary. A lot’s been said — some things probably very technical, maybe even somewhat confusing — but hopefully this helps:
How do I know when a reproductive technology is morally right?
The rule of thumb from the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops’ Reproductive Technology Evaluation and Treatment of Infertility Guidelines for Catholic Couples, again, you can find this right on the USCCB website.
From the guidelines, the rule of thumb is, "Procedures that remove obstacles to natural fertility and which assist marital intercourse in reaching its procreative potential are morally acceptable."
So again, "Procedures that remove obstacles to natural fertility and which assist marital intercourse in reaching its procreative potential are morally acceptable."
"Procedures," this is the second part, "procedures which add a third party into the act of conception or gestation or which substitute a laboratory procedure for intercourse are not morally acceptable."
So again, the second, "procedures which add a third party into the act of conception," that would be surrogacy, surrogate parenthood, "or gestation, or which substitute a laboratory procedure for intercourse are not morally acceptable."
So let's try to bring this now to some pastoral closure. If you are a couple suffering from infertility, your pain is real and personal. Please know that your marriage is not barren in the eyes of God. Fruitfulness is not measured only in children, but in love, the self-giving that flows into service, such things as mentorship, compassion, and spiritual parenthood.
Please know the Church is here to walk with you, to help you seek medical assistance that is ethical and hopeful, and to accompany you with prayer and compassion. Your refusal to engage in fertility practices that contradict the church's wisdom and the moral order is a powerful witness to the value of every human life and the sacredness of the sexual union of the spouses, especially in a world that increasingly treats life as a commodity and sex, unfortunately, as utilitarian.
So in conclusion, life is a gift, it's never a product. Every child is willed by God, not manufactured by man. When we uphold the dignity of life even in the face of loss or infertility, we proclaim the deepest truth of the gospel, that love is fruitful when it is faithful, generous and rooted in God.
I'd ask all listeners to pray with me for all couples who long for children, for those grieving the loss of life and miscarriage, and for all who work in medicine and ethics that they may serve life, never control it.
Maybe it's good to ask all of us, each and every one of us, ask ourselves, "How can I support life, even when it is difficult? How can I bear fruit in love, even in the midst of my own pain and suffering?"
I invite listeners who seek to learn more about this topic to consult the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops website by searching for USCCB Infertility.
Finally, I found this prayer to St. Anne, the grandmother of Jesus, that I would like to share with mothers who are struggling with infertility. It's from a Lace-Astertian group from South Florida.
Dear Saint Anne, grandmother of Jesus and patroness of couples trying to conceive, I come to you with hope in my heart. Please intercede for me that I may be blessed with the gift of fertility and the joy of motherhood. Help me to trust in God's plan and remain steadfast in my prayers. Amen.
Thank you for listening. And again, we implore the intercession of Mary, our mother.
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
